Doubt is defined as the act of feeling uncertain, unbelieving, or even afraid of situations that may or may not ever happen. Have you ever found yourself doubting? Maybe you doubt your own abilities. You doubt the sincerity or intentions of others. Maybe you find yourself being doubted by others. Or, the worst kind of doubt, you find yourself doubting God.
In this blog, I want to discuss the role doubt plays in recovery and how you can work to overcome any doubt you may have in starting the journey towards a healthier you. Whether it is spiritually, mentally, or physically, doubt can be a roadblock in one’s recovery efforts. By doubting less and trusting more, one can find the road to recovery becomes less scary.
CONFRONTING SELF-DOUBT
When I first sought treatment for my eating disorder, I was full of doubt. First and foremost, I was in denial that I had an issue, making it harder to even begin the process of obtaining the counseling I needed to regain mental clarity. I also had reached the stage where, deep down in my soul, I felt lost and that there was no way out of the grave in which I had already placed my foot. I was in denial that I could ever pull myself out of the hole I had dug for myself. I was not strong enough. I was not focused enough. I was doubting my ability to recover. However, I totally believed my disorder was going to kill me.
LESSONS LEARNED FROM EATING DISORDER TREATMENT
In May 2004, my counselor brought in a specialist who dealt primarily with eating disorders. She was an affiliate of Shades of Hope Treatment Center in Buffalo Gap, Texas. My situation had become so grave that inpatient treatment was my last option.
The counselor explained that while it was an “at will” facility, she felt I should at least consider attending one of their intense weeklong sessions to begin my healing process. Buffalo Gap, Texas? I had never heard of it. Treatment facility? I fought hard against it because I was under the impression that only young, extremely thin teenage girls attended inpatient facilities.
Here I was, 27 years old, a wife and mother, and not even close (not yet) to being “too thin.” However, after much discussion with my family, I agreed to attend. And I am glad I did.
Though I only stayed for the one-week session, I learned one lesson that I still apply to every situation I encounter. Trust the process. Before my arrival, I had skipped so many meals and insulin doses that I no longer trusted my body to do what it needed to do with fuel from food and medicines. I viewed them as enemies, put on this earth to make me gain weight. Meals at the treatment center were served in a dining hall where we could talk to and meet other people who were also in attendance.
To my surprise, I was not the oldest nor the largest person there. This treatment center was for ALL addictions, whether you were battling drug, alcohol, self-harm, or, like myself, a dieting addiction.
We were told at the beginning of the week that we were expected to eat all the meals that were provided to us. This announcement gave me a great deal of anxiety because I had not had a proper number of calories in months. The director could tell we were stressed with this news and said three words that would forever change my way of thinking. Trust. The. Process.
Throughout the week, we were taught to stop doubting ourselves, to stop doubting God, and to stop doubting the fact that food was our friend. Viewing food as the enemy, I had doubted that it could ever be beneficial to me. Food is fuel for our bodies, a requirement needed to live. Denying myself food was doubting my body’s capability of knowing what to do with each bite I took.
EMBRACING THE LIFELONG PROCESS OF SPIRITUAL CONNECTIONS IN RECOVERY
Recovery is not something that happens overnight. You do not stop drinking today and tomorrow say, “I am recovered. “You do not eat a normal meal once and say, “I’m recovered.” You do not give up drugs for one weekend and say, “I’m recovered.” Recovery is a process. It is a lifelong process that never ends. One who begins the road to recovery will find many potholes along the way. For me, it was hard for “normal” to feel normal again. I had been sick so long that my body had begun to feel comfortable with being ill. There were days when I longed for an empty stomach feeling, headaches, and high blood sugar because that was my safe space. Withdrawals from any addiction are definitely real. Trust the process. Plow through because I promise life is more enjoyable on the other side of addiction.
NAVIGATING DOUBT IN ADDICTION RECOVERY
Maybe you are not a doubter, and maybe you are the one who feels doubted. I have heard people say that one reason they have yet to attempt recovery is because others tell them they will never succeed at it. “Why bother if nobody believes in me?” The issue with being doubted by others is that they do not always see progress as quickly as the addict will. If an addict begins the path to recovery, he or she will notice changes before others.
A sense of hope, a sense of purpose, and a new lease on life will begin to replace doubt, fear, and worthlessness. However, recovery will also STILL have days of fear, depression, and feeling out of sorts because this is all the process. When you are in recovery, you are literally pulling yourself out of hell, and that takes time. Society, however, expects immediate results, and when those results take time to surface, it may seem the one in recovery has given up, prompting doubt from friends and family.
If you are in recovery, please remember to keep BELIEVING IN YOURSELF EVEN WHEN OTHERS STOP BELIEVING IN YOU. You are recovering at your speed, not theirs. It’s a course that is meant to be paced, not raced. And like the tortoise and the hare, slow and steady will win the race.
STRENGTHENING FAITH OVER DOUBT
Finally, you may find yourself doubting the presence of God in your life from time to time. Often, people feel that if they cannot “see” God working constantly in their lives, He is not there. God knows we have doubts from time to time. Even Jesus was doubted by Thomas.
After Jesus’ resurrection, when He had returned to his apostles, Thomas would not believe the others had seen Him until he saw Jesus for himself. Even then, Thomas insisted on feeling the scars in Jesus’ hands to prove it was indeed the same Jesus that had died on the cross.
But the Bible also tells us how to overcome doubt. When I find myself doubting God’s love or concern for me, I think of these verses: “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.[b] 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29-31). If God takes care of the birds, I have faith that He will take care of His children.
As humans, we tend to doubt God’s presence when positive events occur in our lives, chalking them up to our own capabilities and talents. But we often have no problem believing He is the reason we suffer. Our relationship with God should be striving to believe in the plan He has for us, the whole picture that we cannot sometimes see. Give credit where credit is due. I know I would never have recovered if I had not trusted God and the process.
If you are doubting that you can recover from your addiction, your grief, or your pain, I want to tell you that YOU CAN RECOVER. Recovery begins when you learn to believe in God’s ability to heal, your ability to overcome your past, and by trusting the process.
If you are having a hard time finding someone to believe in you, contact us. We are here to listen and support you in your journey to a life free of addiction.