I have been captivated by a recent trend on TikTok that uses the song “The Story I’ll Tell,” which was written by Naomi Raine. In this trend, TikTok creators share photos or videos of their past lives, which may usually show them battling addiction, loss, grief, illness, depression, anxiety, and a whole list of other situations that seem impossible to overcome. As the videos play, the lyric “Oh, My God Did Not Fail” appears, and the video shows the present where the same people who were lost have found God. The videos detail how an alcoholic became sober, how a person beat cancer, how they treated depression, and most importantly, how they gave their life to Jesus. The “before” videos are heartbreaking, but the “after” is uplifting and encouraging.
Trusting Through Trials.
Does God fail us? It may be easy to hold the mindset that He does. We may pray for outcomes that never happen. We may pray for cures, for more time with loved ones, for better jobs, better health, and a whole host of requests. If we do not get immediate results, we may think that God failed us. Also, we may have found ourselves in a crisis such as a health diagnosis, losing a loved one, losing our jobs, or other painful situations. At these moments, we may wonder if God has failed us. Trust me. He has not. In my post, The Whole Picture – Rent-Free-Living (rent-freeliving.com), I discuss how we only see a small fraction of God’s plan for us. We only see the present, while He knows the future. We do not see the whole picture and that leaves us questioning if He is failing us.
When I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, while I certainly wondered “why me,” I do not recall ever blaming God for my health condition. I knew I had not “sinned” to cause my diagnosis, so it never occurred to me that my diagnosis was a form of punishment. But there are others who feel this way when presented with life-changing occurrences. I have overheard people say, “They must not be living right” when someone is going through a challenging time in their life. This way of thinking is even discussed in the Bible in the book of Job. Job, although a devout follower of God, loses everything short of his own life. Job’s wife told him to “curse God and die.” She could not fathom how Job could remain faithful to God when her husband was suffering. Job’s friends even asked him what he had done to be punished so harshly. Job did not once blame God. And God did not fail Job. Job’s losses were restored to him even more bountiful than before. No, God did not fail.
Understanding God’s Plan Beyond Our Perspective
My God has never failed me, even though I tried desperately to fail myself. Finding myself drowning in an eating disorder, my God did not fail. He never left my side even though I was running one hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction. He heard the prayers of those people who were praying for me when I no longer prayed for myself. He knew 20 years ago that my daughter would need me to live so I could help her grieve the loss of her first best friend and later two of her grandparents. He knew Jason would need me to help him get sober. He knew my parents would need me not to break their hearts by dying too soon at the expense of my own addiction.
Let me take this a step further. God did not fail me when I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes because He had a greater plan. Through my Type 1 Diagnosis, I was able to talk to my grandfather about the importance of taking his insulin when he was hesitant. Through my Type 1 Diabetes, I was able to console a friend when her daughter was diagnosed with the same disease as a young person. God did not fail me when I was given a chronic illness diagnosis; He was preparing me for the mission He had in mind for me.
Did God fail me when I found myself drowning in addiction? No! God did not lead me down that path, and I headed down that hole all on my own. But, He did pull me out. And He knew the plan all along. Let me explain in a timeline.
Stick with me…I promise it will tie together.
July 29, 1966-Martina McBride, country singer, is born.
June 30, 1967-My parents get married.
January 16, 1977- I am born.
July 14, 1979-Jason, my husband, is born.
December 12, 1990- I am diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes
December 9, 2000- Jason and I get married.
October 29, 2002- Haley, our daughter, is born.
February 12, 2003- I am hospitalized for the first time due to my eating disorder.
November 2003- Martina McBride releases the song “In My Daughter’s Eyes.” The song describes a mother who sings about how her daughter looks up to her, but it is the daughter who was sent to rescue the mother.
2003-2005- I battle anorexia, bulimia, diabulimia, and anxiety. I am in and out of counseling, rehab, and hospitals. This was the brunt of my eating disorder, and I almost died three times.
2005- I honestly do not recall the month, but I beg God to help me.
2005- As I drove my daughter home from pre-school, the song “In My Daughter’s Eyes” came on the radio. Haley, my three-year-old daughter, is in her car seat in the back, coloring and jabbering. As the song played, Haley says “Mama, you are the best mama ever.” I stopped the car and cried. That night, I told my family I needed help and was serious about recovery this time.
Understanding God’s Purpose in Our Journey
Now, this may seem like a stretch to some people, but is it? There is an invisible string tying us all together, and God is the one who puts it together. He is the orchestrator of all that happens. While we must have free will in our decisions, He does not fail to receive us back in His graces when we repent.
If I had never been a diabetic, I would have never manipulated insulin to lose weight. If I had never manipulated insulin to lose weight, I would have never spiraled out of control. If I had never spiraled out of control, I would not have a “story to tell.” If I had not shared my story, I would never have met Sarah, my friend from Wales, who was battling the same issues. And now, Sara works tirelessly in her country to promote awareness of eating disorders. The world is so big, yet so small.
I failed God on so many levels and still do. But He does not fail me. Like the story of the prodigal son, God is there with open arms to receive us back. His forgiveness is for all, even a sinner like me. And that is the story I will tell until I am no longer here to tell it.