In this blog, I want to address a topic that occurs daily in our world that we still shy away from talking about, and that is suicide. What exactly is suicide? Who is at risk the most? What are the signs to watch for in someone who may be suicidal? Who does suicide affect? Why do we not talk about it? How do we keep it from happening?
Vicious Black Hole of Uncertainty
Suicide is defined as the act or instance of taking one’s own life voluntarily and intentionally. While not always the case, suicide is often planned out and carefully thought about before a person commits the act. Life rarely presents us with such hardships all at once that force us to immediately think about ending our own lives. Rather, suicide is often seen as a way out of a life that has had or is being faced with many circumstances in which we feel we have no control over. Suicide has most often been described as being a permanent solution to a temporary problem. However, if you have ever found yourself considering this final act, it is hard to rationalize that the problems being faced are indeed temporary.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention lists several risk factors that contribute to the rise in suicide risk. These risk factors include individual risk factors, relationship issues, community risk factors, and societal risk factors. When we hear of someone committing suicide, one of the first thoughts we have is that the person must have been suffering from depression.
Sometimes, we even throw in phrases such as “I knew they had been upset.” But, it is not always depression. Sometimes, people find themselves in situations such as serious health illness, legal disputes, financial instability, or victimization. Sometimes, people just simply have had enough, and they feel that suicide is the only way out. As a society, we need to work together to help those in these circumstances find hope rather than feelings of hopelessness.
Shattered Lives and the Abominating Bullies
Bullying among young adults and children has been one of the largest growing reasons behind suicide in today’s younger generation. I personally cannot stand a bully. A bully is a coward, but a bully is the same person who will belittle others due to their own insecurities. And in some instances, the bully actually becomes capable of convincing someone they would be better off dead.
Let me just stop for a second and say this…if you have children and you are allowing them to bully others, you are also a bully yourself. Unfortunately, bullying does not cease once you exit the doors of high school. Often, there are bullies in the workplace, the neighborhood, and maybe even your family. In my honest opinion, if someone commits suicide and it can be proven it was due to bullying, that person should be charged with a crime. Simple. We have no idea how our words can sometimes affect other people. Bullies often use the excuse “I was just kidding” to justify their actions, sometimes too late.
Who, besides young adults, can be at risk of suicide? Honestly, everyone. Suicide does not discriminate against age, race, gender, or popularity. In my lifetime, I have known young people, elderly people, healthy people, rich people, and even religious people to commit suicide. Everyone is at risk because we all have our breaking point.
Faceless Cries with No Hint
The scariest part of suicide is that often, there are no warning signs. Think about celebrities we have lost through the years due to suicide. Robin Williams is one of the first that comes to my mind. While the world saw him as a lighthearted, upbeat, always smiling comedic actor who seemed to never be bothered by anything, his death would later reveal he had been battling severe depression.
However, most were unaware of his condition. Why? I assume he kept it hid well, like most people who suffer from mental illness. If we want to be serious about preventing suicide, we need to be proactive in letting people know it’s ok to not be ok. We need to learn to talk openly about suicide. I understand it is a sensitive topic, one we shy away from, but let me ask you this question? Is it harder to talk about suicide, or is it harder to regret not talking about it?
The internet will tell you there are signs to watch for when someone is considering suicide. Some of these include increased substance abuse, losing interest in activities and self-care, withdrawing from loved ones, anger, rage, expressing feelings of guilt and shame, and so on. But let me warn you, sometimes there are no warning signs.
Societal Stigmata for Mental Illness
Suicide can also be identified as a silent killer simply because people choose to suffer in silence than to ask for help. And let’s be honest, why would someone want to ask for help when society has placed such stigmas on those who suffer from mental health issues?
One example that comes to my mind is the death of Stephen “Twitch” Boss. Boss was the DJ on the talk show hosted by Ellen DeGeneres. While I was not an active viewer of her show, I had seen enough footage to know who “Twitch” was and recognized him instantly when the news of his death broke.
According to the Los Angeles County coroner’s office, Boss died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound at a hotel in Encino, California.
The media reported that he left his home, drove to the hotel, and never responded to calls from his wife. No alcohol or drugs were found in his system. His family also reported that he had no prior history of suicide attempts.
No warning signs. If you saw him on television, you would have thought he was the happiest person on earth, upbeat, smiling, joyful, and bringing smiles to others. It is important to understand that the happiest of people are often those who are burying the most pain. We see them as happy and wonder what could have made them choose to end their life. Maybe we should start looking at people differently.
See the Heart, Not the Person
The church I attend has begun a series on how we should see people. We often see people how we want to see them. We see them as happy or sad. We see them as rich or poor. We see them as healthy or sick. But do we REALLY see them? The goal of this series is for us to learn to see people the way Jesus sees them.
While we may see a person as successful, Jesus may see them as broken. He may see the side they often do not display to the world. We need to practice seeing people, really seeing people. It is easy to cast judgment on others when we are unaware of the situation they may be in. We should take a moment and ask ourselves how Jesus sees people. If we do, we may have more compassion and prevent the feeling of hopelessness others find themselves having.
Reasons Behind the Expression
I have chosen to write this blog because while I do not have thoughts of suicide, I understand how someone could easily feel that is the only option. My eating disorder had such a grip on me mentally that there were days I felt dying was the only way out. I have sat with a bottle of pills, crippled mentally, thinking I did not want to die, I Just wanted to rest. I have had those hard discussions with people, convincing them suicide is not the answer. And I have had friends commit suicide. So, I know.
Different Hearts, Different Stories
Not all suicidal stories look the same, either. I can recall getting a phone call one evening while shopping at Wal-Mart. It was a friend of mine who had asked me to call a mutual friend of ours and see if I could talk to him because she feared he was going to take his own life.
I walked up and down the aisle of Walmart for an hour talking to our mutual friend. I did not pry as to why he was in the state of mind he was in, I simply listened. And I reminded him that no matter how dark the moment he was in seemed to be, the sun would rise, and his days would be brighter again, but only if he chose to live to see those days.
We have all heard stories of elderly couples who choose to end their spouse’s life and then their own in an attempt to provide comfort to a spouse who may be battling Alzheimer’s or cancer.
Unfortunately, I know of two of those situations myself. Sometimes, people do not mean to end their lives. Sometimes, they are desperately crying for help, and those cries often go unheard.
There was a young man who was instrumental in saving my life during my eating disorder. I worked with him at the time, and his mother was in the healthcare profession.
He reached out to his mother to see if she could help me with my issue, and she did. Sadly, this person was battling their own demons and later passed away due to an overdose.
It saddens me because he helped me, and I could not help him. It saddens me more to think it may have been an accidental overdose because he was just looking for comfort, not death.
From Silence to Support
So, how do we help prevent suicide? Let me suggest that we have those uncomfortable talks. If you suspect someone is in a suicidal state or if something just seems “off.” Talk with them. You do not have to come right out and ask them if they are contemplating suicide, just let them know you are thinking about them. Let them know you are there. Be the shoulder they can lean on. Be the friend they can call at 3 am. Be the one who shows them they are loved and cared for.
Suicide is preventable. If you are in need of assistance, please reach out to someone. This is part of the reason we created this blog, to make you feel less alone. We know what those thoughts feel like. We know what hopelessness feels like. Resources are available to help you see tomorrow. Trained professionals are available by dialing the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
Conclusion
Consider Embracing God’s Love in Times of Struggle
Let me also encourage you to seek help from God. Our Father does not want to see his children suffer, He wants to see us thrive and live the life He has planned for us. If you need help in finding or rebuilding a relationship with God, we can help you with that, too.
It’s never too late to ask for help until it is.