Do you ever feel isolated, like there’s no one who truly understands your emotions? Are there topics that make you feel ashamed or embarrassed to discuss with others? Consider journaling as a valuable tool for managing anxiety. Regardless of your gender, journaling can benefit everyone. There are no strict rules; it’s a flexible tool for enhancing emotional awareness.
Emerging from Darkness: A Journey Through Loss and Healing
In my late teens, I battled depression. At 16, a close friend was tragically stabbed and thrown off a bridge into a river. A few months later, another friend lost his life in a truck accident near my home. This sequence of events weighed heavily on me. Just a week before the murder, my friend and I were cruising together in my 1989 Pontiac Grand Am. I can vividly recall him briefly riding in the trunk during that ride. A mere week later, he was gone.
I struggled to process it all. Up until then, the only death I had faced was my maternal grandfather’s passing – a story for another time. This loss felt senseless, leaving me overwhelmed with sadness. My appetite disappeared, and the murder was a jolting shock. I had personal connections to everyone involved, including the assailant, the one who helped dispose of the body, and the fourth person who was also stabbed but survived.
In a short span, I shed 35 pounds. My dad sat me down, sharing his own experience of losing a cousin at a young age. He stressed the importance of moving forward. My mom also reached out, offering her support and suggesting that I start journaling to express my feelings. She emphasized that even if I crumpled up the paper and discarded it afterward, it would still be a helpful outlet. Their guidance provided valuable mental health advice.
I had never experienced such emotions before. Coping with the loss of these two young men was incredibly challenging. I continued on for a few more weeks, during which I lost a total of 55 pounds within three months. Finally, I decided to put my feelings on paper. Sometimes, the words didn’t make much sense, but that was okay.
I wasn’t submitting an English paper for grading; I was simply letting my thoughts flow. I recorded memories and whatever emotions surfaced that day—whether it was anger, sadness, or happiness. Over time, I could see that this practice was making a difference. It couldn’t change the past, but it allowed me to express my feelings without embarrassment, angering someone, or hurting their feelings.
By unburdening myself, I found it easier to engage with others. The overwhelming grief and anger began to subside, and I started feeling somewhat normal again if there is such a thing.
Chronicles of Sobriety and Pandemic:
During my early days of sobriety, I encountered many people who shared their addiction stories, and journaling played a significant role for them. These individuals included women and middle-aged men like myself. They emphasized the practice of creating daily gratitude lists to remind themselves of the blessings in their lives, whether it was something as small as having enough gas to get to work. They also stressed the importance of personal reflection at the end of each day to ensure they hadn’t harmed or wronged anyone.
If they discovered that they had caused harm, they committed to making direct amends to the affected individuals. Through this daily journaling, they gradually cultivated a genuine sense of gratitude. They found that this practice transformed how they treated others, as making amends wasn’t an enjoyable process.
During my initial years of sobriety, I maintained a journal where I recorded my feelings about topics discussed in our group meetings. I also noted quotes from fellow members that resonated with me, providing a sense of connection. However, after a few years, I fell out of this habit, largely due to the disruptions caused by the Covid pandemic.
The pandemic upended everyone’s routines, making it a challenging period. While I didn’t lose my sobriety from drinking, I did experience a loss of emotional stability. People’s emotional sensitivities were heightened as the world underwent unprecedented changes. Many switched to remote work, businesses temporarily closed, leading to financial losses, and those severely affected by COVID-19 often died isolated in hospital rooms, without family by their side. Healthcare workers face immense challenges.
All of this made maintaining sobriety during the pandemic exceptionally difficult and underscored the importance of mental health awareness.
In 2021, I experienced the loss of my dad to lung cancer and my best friend Terry to Covid. The weight of these losses led to a nervous breakdown in January 2022, prompting me to return to journaling. With no one to confide in and a mother grappling with her own grief as a new widow, I felt profoundly alone.
Just four months later, my mother succumbed to Covid. Despite the immense loss, I persevered, continuing my journaling and counseling. This combination proved instrumental in dispelling negative thoughts. I found solace in the ability to write down anything that crossed my mind. In retrospect, I realized that journaling was among the best advice my mother ever gave me.
Journaling as a Beacon of Resilience and Liberation:
None of this may seem like much to you, but it means a lot to me. This entire mental health blog is for you. It aims to show others that they aren’t alone in their struggles and that there are people in this world who have felt just like you do. Journaling has been instrumental in helping me navigate my thoughts and feelings, enabling me to dispel some very dark and dangerous thoughts. Upon completing my first journal since losing both of my parents, I can look back and see how far I’ve come over the past year. I hope this mental health blog will assist someone coping with anxiety. Together, we all need to break the stigma surrounding mental health.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us if you ever feel the need. Don’t allow negative thoughts to occupy your mind rent-free;Â let’s write it down and cast it away. After all, we’re not alone in this; through journaling, we’re rewriting our narratives, one word at a time.
Here is a link with really good information about journaling and how to start.
15 Benefits of Journaling and Tips for Getting Started (healthline.com)