In two months, I will celebrate 6 years of sobriety. I will have to say that it has not been the easiest road since, in the last six years, I have lost both my parents and a best friend. I have also lost three pets that were extremely near to my heart. I survived a nervous breakdown on New Year’s Day in 2022. I still struggle daily, trying to be the person I want to be. I am a work in progress. My mind often loves to play tricks on me. Let me explain.
Finding Strength in Community: 
My mind tells me often that I am not a real alcoholic. It says, ‘You have gone over 5 years without a single drink of alcohol. You are not a real alcoholic. You have never been placed in jail, you have never had a DUI, and you have never lost your family due to drinking. You have a good job that you have been able to keep over the last 17 years.
One drink will not hurt you.’ I hear this speech weekly. I am thrilled that I can swiftly get those thoughts out of my head today, as that same thought process causes thousands of people to revert back to their old habits.
Overcoming Addiction Without Hitting Rock Bottom
The relentless whisper of addiction often tries to deceive me, questioning the validity of my struggle because I haven’t hit the stereotypical rock bottom. Yet, I’ve come to understand that the absence of certain consequences doesn’t diminish the weight of my battle.
To combat negative thoughts, it’s crucial to surround yourself with people who share similar values and beliefs. Look for those who don’t drink and will support you in your journey. Avoid those who bring you down or criticize you, as this can be detrimental to your mental health. Remember, some people tend to put others down to feel better about themselves, and this is not a healthy environment to be in. Seek out positivity and support as you work towards your goals.
Finding Hope Among Friends
Seeking refuge in a community of understanding souls has been my anchor. In the company of those who share my journey, I find strength and support. Their unwavering encouragement lifts me above the whispers of doubt, reminding me that I am not alone in this fight.
Before the pandemic, we attended a church that had a men’s group that met every Wednesday night. This group made me feel welcome. They made me feel like I was not alone in my struggles. They sincerely listened to each other’s problems and tried to find solutions. We would search the Holy Bible for help, and to find peace in every situation. You could talk about any kind of problem you were facing, whether it be marriage problems, addictions, grief, regret, etc.
That group had no judgment, and everyone knew that whatever was said would stay only in that room. I have been to several different AA meetings in my life, and none of them came close to this group. Do not get me wrong, AA meetings are great and are needed for those in recovery.
A Haven in Times of Struggle
In the hallowed halls of our church, I found sanctuary in a men’s group that met weekly. Here, amidst the comforting embrace of camaraderie, we shared our deepest fears and struggles without fear of condemnation.
Guided by the wisdom of scripture, we sought solace and redemption in our darkest hours. Unlike any AA meeting I’ve attended, this group offered a haven of acceptance and understanding, where our shared burdens were lifted in the embrace of genuine empathy.
This church kind of fell apart during the COVID-19 pandemic as we did not meet any longer due to the regulations put in place to try to keep everyone from getting sick. The minister left, along with several members and the men’s group just fell apart.
Keep in mind that during this time, most did not have AA recovery meetings either. Virtual meetings were always an option, but it was not the same at all. This made it exceedingly difficult for me to remain sober. The pandemic disrupted our community, making it difficult to maintain sobriety without physical meetings. Virtual substitutes lacked intimacy, leaving me struggling to find my footing in isolation.
Longing for Genuine Support in Recovery
I know several people who have relapsed during this time. I miss the men’s group because I have not found another group that genuinely listened when I needed help and advice. I noticed that, except for a few individuals, even in the recovery meetings, nobody was listening to each other. During the meetings, everyone remained quiet and allowed others to speak, but when I attempted to seek guidance from someone in a one-on-one conversation, it appeared as if others would rapidly start talking about their own problems before I could finish. It seemed as though everyone was solely focused on their own issues and was not interested in the concerns of others.
Mental Health, Medication, and Faith:
Earlier, I mentioned that I experienced a nervous breakdown in 2022, and part of my recovery process involved taking medications. Currently, I take three medications for my mental health and one as-needed medication. Additionally, I have scheduled monthly counseling sessions. This has been a significant adjustment for me since I have always been reluctant to take medications.
Struggling with Acceptance
Moreover, I am worried about what people might think of me if they find out that I have to take mental health medications. Some days, my mind tricks me into believing that I don’t need them. It’s difficult for me to accept that I need medication just to feel like a normal person.
Sometimes that makes me sad thinking about it. The meds have caused me to gain weight. It does not help me when someone sees me out in public and says something like, “You have put on some weight.” I have mixed feelings about my meds, but I do take them daily because I cannot go through another nervous breakdown again. I do not think I would survive it.
In my previous blog posts, I have expressed my struggles with faith. My mind is a significant factor in this issue. I am aware of what I need to do to overcome it. I should pray every day, express gratitude, and appreciate what I possess at present.
Breaking Through Doubt
For some reason, my mind plays tricks on me here as well. When I start to feel like I need to pray, my mind jumps in and says, “Why? God does not care about you anymore. He took away both of your parents and your best friend within a year’s time. He also allowed you to suffer a nervous breakdown during that time. Remember when you sought someone to help you at church, and nobody did?”
I want to clarify that I’m not making excuses, but this is genuinely what goes through my mind when I feel the need to talk to God. There’s a barrier that’s been built, and even though I still believe in God and salvation, attend church every week (a different one now), seek God, and try to rebuild my faith, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get back to where I once was.
Finding Strength in Faith:
I understand that I cannot stay sober without God, as He is my Higher Power. I am grateful to have two friends who check on me every day. One of them sends me daily messages with encouraging thoughts, Bible verses, and more to help me start my day on a positive note.
My goal is to strengthen my faith even further, although I know it won’t happen overnight. However, I am confident that I will succeed as long as I can break down the mental barrier holding me back and move forward. Thanks to my Higher Power, I have managed to stay sober, and my faith has helped me avoid falling completely. Even when my mind may tell me otherwise, I know God still loves and cares for me.
Embracing Solutions Over Problems
The new congregation is helping me, though. The minister has made me feel welcome; he has even taken time out of his busy schedule to read some of our blogs. The sermons are lessons I need to hear. I have found a lot of encouragement in this congregation. I have to keep in mind that if I focus on the problem instead of the solution, I will never find real happiness. But what is the solution to my problems?
I would suggest two solutions for myself. Firstly, I need to focus on improving my daily prayer life, regardless of what’s happening in my surroundings. Secondly, I should prioritize helping others whenever I can. It brings me immense joy to be of service to those in need.
Helping a Stranger in Need
A few weeks ago, while waiting for a friend at a convenience store, an elderly lady arrived with a flat tire. She was visibly distressed and unsure of what to do. My friend and I offered to help her by driving her car to the air pump and filling up the tire. However, upon closer inspection, we realized that the tire had blown out from the inside. We explained the situation to her and replaced her tire with her spare, ensuring she could continue her journey safely.
Transforming Mindset and Outlook:
The reason I’m sharing this story is because I chose to help a stranger in need that day. I had my own plans and errands to run, but I couldn’t leave that lady stranded in the parking lot. I don’t need recognition for doing the right thing, but I did feel a sense of happiness afterward – a feeling I don’t experience often. Why? Because I don’t always prioritize others as I should. When I put myself first, things tend not to go well, and negative thoughts start to creep in.
Finding Peace in Trusting God’s Plan
Another solution is to adjust my expectations of others. I often get disappointed when reality doesn’t match my ideal outcome. Instead of trying to control everything, I need to trust that God has a plan and relinquish the desire for control. When I do this, I’ll experience fewer disappointments and more overall happiness. I’ll be able to express more gratitude towards my Higher Power and avoid prolonged periods of worry and grief. God has everything under control, and no matter how hard I try to influence the outcome, His plan will prevail.
To end the tricks that my mind plays on me, I need to follow these steps:
- Pray more and listen carefully to God’s guidance.
- Always prioritize others before me.
- Give God full control and let Him lead me instead of trying to lead Him.
- Avoid expecting too much from others, as they are just like me.
- Maintain a constant and strong connection with God through prayer.
- Always be on the lookout for ways to help others.
- Remember that God will never give me more than I can handle.
- Appreciate and express gratitude for the little things that I often take for granted.
- Reach out and ask for help when I need it instead of keeping everything inside.
- Continue to pray often and regularly.