As I write this, I am relaxing in my recliner with my sweet Oreo (my little dog) curled up by my ankles. Jason and I just finished the dreaded chore of putting all the Christmas decorations back in the attic. My house is back to its much-needed normalcy, promoting mental health awareness. The reds and greens are replaced with my neutral colors of choice, and the clutter of glitter and tins of cookies and junk food is now long gone. Don’t get me wrong; I like Christmas. It just always seems to be a stressful time for me.
My Annual Christmas Health Saga
Every year during Christmas, I seem to catch some form of illness. It could be the flu, a sinus infection, a stomach virus, or just a regular cold, but you can always expect me to get sick either the day before or the day after Christmas. This year was no different. On Christmas Day, I struggled to stay awake as my body felt extremely tired. The day after Christmas, I worked from home, but in the evening, I developed a fever. I went to the doctor, and as usual, I was diagnosed with the flu. It wouldn’t be Christmas without it, right?
Although I enjoy all the festivities and gatherings that come with the holiday season, it also makes me feel uneasy. While everyone else gets to savor the delicious flavors of baked goods, appetizers, and charcuterie boards, all I can think about is the upcoming round of antibiotics and Tylenol that I’ll need to get through my illness. My Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis even came two weeks before Christmas, making it hard for me to look forward to the season like a regular person would. However, amidst the challenges, I am committed to regaining a sense of control over my health and finding ways to enjoy the holiday spirit.
However, my daughter is a huge fan of Christmas. She loves everything from the decorations and the trees to the hot cocoa bombs and the Hallmark movies. I try my best not to come across as a Scrooge, so I make an effort to join in on her desire to make our home magical during the holidays. It’s a task that leaves me feeling exhausted when it’s time to put everything away.
Rethinking Traditions for a Stress-Free Christmas
In an effort to make the Christmas season as magical as possible and to embrace the spirit of joy in the recovery journey, we often find ourselves overexerted. For instance, we might feel like we need to bake two dozen cookies and prepare thirty-two appetizers to ensure everyone is satisfied. We might also cling to old, broken ornaments on our Christmas tree out of a desire to spare the feelings of those who gave them to us. On top of all this, we may feel immense pressure to pick out the perfect gifts for our loved ones, which can be overwhelming. It’s no wonder that depression rates tend to increase during the holiday season. However, it’s worth considering whether we set healthy boundaries for ourselves throughout the rest of the year. Do we have the ability to say “no” when we need to, or do we make life harder for ourselves by taking on too much?
Breaking Free from the Pressure to Apologize for Being Sick
If you are like me, you put more pressure on yourself to “be there” than the people you are trying to be there for. With my recent illness, I sent an email to my boss telling him that I was sorry I had the flu, but I would still work from home and get as much done as I could. He responded, “Amy, you don’t have to apologize for being sick. I appreciate all you are doing while you are sick, but it is perfectly fine if you need to rest.”
He was right. Nobody should have to apologize for being sick, whether it’s physically or mentally. With all the doctor’s appointments I have to endure, I feel the need to apologize for my health constantly. Even though nobody ever made me feel like I needed to, that’s just my work ethic. But it messes with my mental health because I allow my physical ailments to determine my worth. Even though my boss told me not to worry about work, I still got up and went back as soon as my fever broke. Sometimes, we are just too hard on ourselves. This is a boundary I need to set with myself, to know when too much is too much. My body always has a way of telling me when it’s time to slow down, rest, drink more water, etc. We have to listen. Our minds will also tell us when we need a break if we hear.
The Power of Saying ‘No’ Without Guilt”
What about boundaries with others? Do you have people who know they can count on you because you never tell them no? It is perfectly acceptable to be the friend that everyone can rely on, but you cannot be the ONLY person EVERYONE relies on. The best gift you can give someone is sometimes encouraging them to become independent and take charge of their responsibilities. Consistently saying “yes” to everyone will deplete you. And you cannot continue to nourish others from an empty well.
I used to believe that “self-care” was selfish. I thought that to be a good person, I had to attend to everyone’s needs—no more. “Self-care” is essential to make you more valuable to others. Nurturing everyone else leaves you thirsty. And without water to share, you cannot help others flourish either.
I am not suggesting that you should never assist others again; I am merely proposing that if you have ever felt guilty for uttering “no” to people, let 2024 be the year you establish healthy boundaries. Nobody should expect you to jeopardize your own health and mental well-being. We all desire to support others, but we must do so in a sustainable way that allows us all to thrive. It’s ok to say no.