All of my life, I thought of myself as being left behind out of the equation. I consider myself a failure in every aspect of life, whether professional or personal. The core self-esteem condensing issues arise from the comparison and societal expectations. As I saw people posting their highlight reels on social media, I struggled to be where I wanted to be. Everything seemed crumbled until the day I got struck with an eye-opening realization, and that is the point of me writing this all, so someone’s feeling dull and down might get some value in any potential capacity this story holds.
My name is Robert, and this is my story of going down in the darkest of pit holes and hitting rock bottom!
Caught in the Crossfire: Work vs. Family
In 2022, I got a job offer as a designer at a digital marketing agency in Pennsylvania. As a young married man, I enthusiastically accepted the offer, hoping for a better tomorrow for my family and myself. Everything started well: a new place, friendly colleagues, and a luxury environment. However, after some months, I began to notice that I was put to work additional work that was not in my job description then, but I took the roles I was not intended for. I went above and beyond to leave my noticeable mark so things could take the road to the good days ahead.
Doing extra work consumed extra time from my life; at first, my wife and I balanced it out. But somehow, the rift happened between us due to my constant busy schedule I favorably committed to at the workplace. Going the extra mile left me with no leverage to give attention to my wife, which she needed. A year passed, and I fought with my wife as she told me, “Rob, you are being misused; you are throwing your time away, the time that you should be spending with your family.” I got frustrated because, in my mind, I was doing it all for her.
I did not realize anything until I learned that people junior to me were getting better paychecks; I gave it all to the workspace, nearly sacrificing my relationship with my wife. I was never considered to be their top guy. I performed well, took on an additional workload, and stayed loyal. I expected a supportive response when I approached my manager about my concerns. Instead, he said, “Robert, you know how this industry is. More visible people tend to get rewarded. Have you considered how some of your colleagues are making their presence known?”
He pointed out how colleagues who participated in after-hours meetings and took initiative in team projects were getting promotions. I felt shame wash over me as he mentioned my recent late project delivery. “It’s important to remember that even a single misstep can overshadow all your hard work,” he said, making me feel like my efforts were all for nothing. Each remark chipped away at my self-esteem, making me question whether I was cut out for this role. I began to feel foolish for thinking I could balance everything and still be recognized for my contributions.
Later, when I confided in him about my work’s strain on my marriage, he replied, “You need to prioritize your career. Balancing work and home is challenging, but your family should understand your sacrifices for your future.” His words felt like a punch to the gut as if he was implying that my family didn’t support my ambitions. I left his office feeling small and doubtful, wondering if I was truly the problem for wanting a life outside of work.
Trucking Through the Realization
Foolishly, I continued and got into the rat race; I constantly compared myself with others and felt low. I tried hard to keep hold of everything, including my wife, work, manager validation, and everything in between, but I started losing my grip and peace. Eventually, my wife left me, and I was alone. Due to the stress levels, I couldn’t pull it off well at work. Thus, they fired me because my performance was going down. I then realized no matter how good you are, if you don’t do as they want, the corporation does not give a damn, and they will only hold you accountable for your shortcomings and may not appreciate you to let you wonder with doubts, so one stays at the bottom of the game.
That is not the case for everyone, but unfortunately, in my case, this happened. The gaslighting became clearer: my manager used my insecurities against me, and with each conversation, I found myself questioning my abilities more and more.
My Emotional Healing from Anxiety
After being left alone, I was broke, and anxiety took refuge in my mind. During this period, I started watching endless self-improvement videos and found something interesting: the concept of “people pleaser.” Through a random video, I learned that I was indeed a people pleaser, but before that, I was bundling notions that life is unfair, God is not doing justice, etc. Since my wife was not even there for me, I was coping with grief during recovery from the damaged priorities.
By then, I knew I needed to reclaim my identity and reassess what mattered in my life to set my priorities the right way. I paid the price of being naively good with no set rules for the boundaries; being good does not mean letting people control you whenever they want and can, but I thought otherwise.
I always played the nice guy, and I let it obliterate my life because I had no authority built within me, as I was constantly tearing down my peace of mind because of this single trigger: “What will they think about me if I do that?” The price was paid at the expense of my peace. Before I got up, I drowned myself in addiction as an escape, but it depended on the wounds I had already endured.
By 2024, I claimed my authentic self, eating better, living simpler, and engaging with less social media to avoid the toxic noise that used to consume me.
I learned to say “no” to what burglarized my time and energy. The change came from within when I accepted that life is not unfair but rather absurd, filled with unpredictability and challenges that are part of the human experience.
I began to implement lifestyle changes, prioritizing my mental and physical health. Quitting drug addiction was another challenge, but emotional healing from anxiety through minimalism and spiritual practices became a breeze as I embraced my new path.
I Turned to God for Strength:
I started praying every day, asking God for guidance and strength. At first, it felt strange, but slowly, I began to feel His presence in my life. I repented for blaming Him and realized He wasn’t punishing me; He showed me how to grow. Trusting Him gave me the courage to navigate the journey of emotional healing from anxiety and depression.
I Simplified My Life:
I decided to let go of things that didn’t add value to my life. I got rid of clutter in my home and stopped wasting time on social media. The more I simplified, the lighter I felt. It helped me focus on what really mattered, like taking care of myself and finding peace.
I Learned to Set Boundaries:
I stopped saying yes to everything and everyone. It wasn’t easy, but I realized that if I didn’t protect my time and energy, no one else would. I started small, saying no to things that didn’t align with my goals or drained me. With time, it became easier, and I felt stronger and more in control of my life.
With each small victory, I began to feel a sense of empowerment returning. I started setting boundaries and standing up for myself, which felt foreign yet liberating. I sought therapy, allowing me to untangle the emotional mess I had created and to confront the deeply ingrained beliefs that had held me hostage for so long. It was a slow process, but I began to rediscover joy in the little things—a morning coffee, a walk in nature, or simply sitting in silence.
My relationships began to shift, too; I surrounded myself with people who genuinely valued me rather than those who tolerated my existence. I learned to engage with others from a place of authenticity instead of seeking approval. Every conversation felt lighter, every connection more meaningful. I no longer felt the need to measure my worth against others, and for the first time in years, I began to embrace the journey of becoming who I truly am.