In my previous posts, I’ve delved into the arduous nature of recovery. In this section, I aim to spotlight some of the obstacles individuals encounter during their recovery journey.
The Solitary Path of Recovery
Entering recovery often feels like embarking on a deeply personal voyage for mental well-being. Despite having a strong support network, there are days when it seems as if you’re navigating this journey alone. In many ways, you are. While you might have cheerleaders and accountability partners, the decision to remain focused and stay sober from addiction ultimately rests solely in your hands. You can read countless addiction recovery stories and find mental health advice, but understanding what needs to be done and taking the necessary steps are distinct challenges.
Reclaiming the Right to Eat
One of the challenges I encountered at the outset of my recovery was acknowledging my own worthiness of nourishment. During my addiction, I felt undeserving of food. Eating symbolized weakness and an inability to combat the illness that had overtaken my body and mind. When I enrolled in a rehabilitation program, a fundamental lesson was that not only was eating permitted, but it was essential for survival. It was a straightforward concept, yet challenging for many of us in treatment to grasp. We had conditioned ourselves to view food as an adversary rather than the sustenance we required to live.
The Fear of Eating in Public
In the throes of addiction, the thought of eating in public filled me with dread. Would people judge me for eating too much? Would they notice my feeble attempts to move food around the plate instead of consuming it? Could they discern my immediate post-meal excursions to purge the food I had just ingested? In recovery, I had to relearn how to eat publicly without succumbing to panic. I had to reacquaint myself with the fundamentals of proper eating.
Emotional Resilience and Positive Remarks
Another challenge I confronted was developing emotional awareness and deciphering people’s comments and remarks. Initially, as I lost weight, people praised my appearance and admired my commitment to my diet, oblivious to the harm I was causing myself. However, as months passed in the grip of addiction, those compliments faded, replaced by expressions of concern. “You look very thin. Are you still eating? Did you eat today? You’ve lost too much weight.” People whispered behind my back, speculating that I must be “on drugs” to shed pounds so rapidly. I distorted these comments into positive reinforcement, as long as they praised my thinness, my eating disorder still seemed effective. In recovery, I had to decipher that positive remarks were just that—positives. Active listening became crucial to understanding their intentions.
The Lack of Mental Health Education
Adding to the list of challenges, there’s a glaring deficiency in mental health education for those in recovery. While it’s widely known that addicts should quit their drug of choice, few explain the repercussions of abruptly ceasing addictive behaviors. I was aware that I needed to eat and take my insulin, so hearing counselors and medical staff reiterate this knowledge felt redundant. After neglecting my own well-being for so long, prioritizing my health mentally became a formidable task. I had to trust that insulin wouldn’t lead to weight gain and that resuming regular eating wouldn’t result in overnight pounds. Understanding these concepts mentally proved to be more challenging than merely knowing them.
The Struggles of an Addicted Mind
An addicted mind is an ailing mind, where thoughts lose rationality, and behavior deviates from the norm. Trust erodes both ways—self-trust and trust from others. I had become such a habitual liar that I had lost touch with the truth. Lies permeated every aspect of my life, from what I ate to my insulin intake. Breaking these habits during recovery was a significant challenge, as was regaining the trust of my partner and family, who had to conduct random searches to ensure I wasn’t sneaking diet-related items into the house.
The Impact on My Daughter
A contemporary challenge in my recovery journey is the concern over the lessons my behaviors may have imparted to my daughter. Throughout my addiction, I emphasized the importance of being thin and not eating, which I now regret. As my daughter navigates college life, the societal pressure to conform to certain beauty standards is palpable. While I strive to counteract these influences with positive reinforcement, I recognize that I can’t always be there to guide her. I deeply regret potentially conveying negative body image messages during my addiction.
Overcoming Challenges in Recovery
Challenges are an inherent aspect of recovery, but they are surmountable. Successfully overcoming addiction requires effective communication about your challenges, both with others and with yourself. Identifying and acknowledging these challenges is the crucial first step. While you might have encountered slogans like “nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels,” I challenge you to reframe it as “the worst day in recovery is still better than your best day trapped in addiction.”