While working on one of my projects, I stumbled upon a stickman comic that truly made me reflect.
This comic resonated with me, reminding me of a crucial lesson I’ve learned in recovery. To complete the twelve steps, we must turn to our Higher Power (in my case, God) for various things. We ask God to eliminate our defects of character and our shortcomings. Through prayer and meditation, we strive to enhance our conscious connection with God as we understand Him. My prayers focus on understanding His will for me and finding the strength to carry it out. Without following the steps in order, the spiritual awakening we seek remains elusive.
Seeing Beyond Hate by Embracing Forgiveness
Matthew 23:26 offers a powerful metaphor: “Blind Pharisee! First, clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.” While it refers to cups and dishes, the deeper meaning lies within ourselves. We must self-reflect and cleanse our hearts of sin before passing judgment on others. Closing our eyes to our own faults keeps us blind to the truth. How can we find the right path if we refuse to see? How can we recognize sin if we avert our gaze?
The verse from 1 John 2:11 resonates deeply: “But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.” Forgiveness is challenging, especially when faced with strong emotions. Yet, in recovery, we learn to forgive—even when others don’t seek forgiveness—because it aids our own healing. You’re actively working on forgiving two individuals, a journey that began in 2018. Remember, hate can blind us, but forgiveness brings light.
The Moral Test: Feeding the Enemy Within
I used to make comments like, “I hope I can be there when so-and-so dies so I can spit on them and laugh.” That was fueled by hate. However, I no longer harbor those feelings toward the two individuals involved. Still, forgiveness remains a struggle. You see, they were part of an accident that claimed two innocent lives. Yes, I understand the term “accident,” but when you reveal the truth to the family about how the accident truly happened and then tell state troopers a different story to protect someone, that goes beyond mere chance.
Even if they were to confess the truth today, it wouldn’t bring back the lives lost. This realization has aided me in the process of forgiveness. Romans 12:19-21 provides guidance: “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay,’ says the Lord. Therefore, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. In doing so, you will heap coals of fire on his head.”
The final verse has sustained me over the past few years. I recognize that God is in control and will address this situation in due time. However, the part about feeding one’s enemy is challenging. I often wonder: If one of these two individuals came to me hungry, would I turn them away or offer them sustenance? It’s a weighty question—one that I find daunting to answer most days.
Recognizing God’s Plan in Our Trials
My eyes have been closed on several unique occasions. Sometimes I may pray for something, and God answers my prayers differently. He may not answer my request the way I want him to, but He will answer. If do not open my eyes, I may not ever recognize the answer God has placed before me. If I keep my eyes closed for too long, they could stay closed and I could become blind to sin again.
I’ve noticed that when circumstances don’t unfold as I’ve planned, frustration and anger well up within me. These emotions stem from my insistence on believing that I know what’s best, even when my eyes remain closed to God’s greater purpose. Perhaps it’s time to open my eyes wider—to see beyond my limited perspective and recognize the divine design at play in my search for peace.
I blamed God when My father passed away. Then, four months later, my best friend passed away. Eight months after that, my mother passed away. I blamed God for hating me. I questioned why God seemed to forsake me, withdrawing His love. But in my grief, I failed to realize that I was being selfish. I failed to realize that God does answer prayers, albeit not always in the ways we desire. His answers align with His perfect plan. The answer was not the answer I was looking for, but it was for the best.
Seeing the Blessing in Goodbye
My father had stage 4 lung cancer, my best friend was sick with COVID and had a bad stroke, and my mother was sick with COVID and had multiple pneumothorax which means she had several tubes coming out of her lungs to help remove fluid due to complications of the covid. My father is no longer suffering. He has no pain. My best friend does not have to live in a nursing home due to brain damage from the stroke. He does not have to suffer on the ventilator and ECMO any longer. My mother does not have to live in a nursing home with tubes coming out of her chest for the rest of her life. She does not have to grieve daily anymore over the loss of her husband. She is with him again. God’s plan was for the best.
If I kept my eyes closed by losing control, I would not be able to recognize the things that God has done. If I kept them closed, I would continue to grieve in a way that is unhealthy. I would stay angry at everyone around me. I would continue to blame God for removing so many loved ones from my life in such a brief period of time.
Learning to See Through Tears
Even if I had continued harboring hate in my heart, I recognize that it’s a perilous emotion—one not to be taken lightly. However, by opening my eyes, I’ve come to understand that life isn’t solely about me. The world doesn’t revolve around my desires, nor should it. I am but a small part of a grander scheme.
God’s ways remain mysterious, often beyond our comprehension. He intervenes in our lives in ways no one else can. His wisdom surpasses our understanding, and His plans unfold with purpose. Trusting that He always knows what’s best for us is both humbling and liberating. God’s plan, though painful, was for the best. It’s a lesson I continue to learn—one that invites me to trust His wisdom even when my eyes are clouded by tears in search for inner peace.
I encourage you to open your eyes and keep them open because the world is a very dark place when you keep your eyes closed.
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